living with a bipolar spouse stories reddit

Even when she is happy, I know it is just temporary, which makes it feel fake. Thank you to the moderators of r/BipolarSOs for allowing me to post here!. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. If, on the other hand, your spouse refuses treatment, you must learn to protect yourself from abuse. Here are techniques for coping with bipolar spouses. I hate how she is in this never ending cycle of complaining, making big plans, failing to follow through, raging at us for whatever (unclean house, disobedience, etc.) 00. They can have a spouse, children, and a … Hope you guys find what works soon. So, yeah. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the BipolarReddit community. I ensure I’m open and honest with my spouse and insist she treats me the same. Press J to jump to the feed. For us, the diagnosis was a surprise two years ago. It was a few days before Thanksgiving in 2007. A Reddit to share information about who you are, how you think, and what helps you cope in life. I'm ADHD w/ anxiety, my oldest son is ADHD/anxiety as well. You've said it yourself. But I don't want to say that with kids you're fucked. She says she has been having suicidal thoughts for the last few months and I've made appointments for her to get help and she is so scared that they will send her to a metal ward. It's utterly exhausting. Essentially, they're portrayed as completely out of control. We're on the outside and in a hostile role no matter what we do. In a recent NAMI meeting I attended, the parents of children with bipolar disorder shared their experiences with the sudden changes in behavior that make each day, week and month a challenge. There are many behaviors that come with having a bipolar spouse, and these behaviors can be very frustrating for you to deal with sometimes Do junkies that fuck over their parents love them, on some level probably but again big fucking deal. She does usually call me every day, sometimes several times a day, but with intermittent periods where she breaks off communication for a day or two. I've been living with a bipolar spouse for many years now. It seems like it's not her fault but the bipolar illness that's getting to you, which is a shame. I am emotionally exhausted seeing someone I love so much spiral into major depression and I just want to know how I can help her cope. Many people with bipolar disorder have happy, successful marriages. Nothing your spouse can do except take her meds and do the therapy. I had tried to take my life by overdosing on my sleeping medication, and I … I am part of a team of researchers at New York State Psychiatric Institute/Columbia University who are currently recruiting participants for a research study looking at an investigational treatment for self-injury called transcranial direct current stimulation, or tDCS. In the personal stories that follow, you’ll read about the difficulties of holding down a steady job, being a consistent partner and parent, learning to be truly independent. If she's trying and is willing to take responsibility for her actions, and she does love you but just can't show it, then you're in a good place with her. Hear our revealing conversation about how she nearly destroyed her family and read an excerpt from her memoir. Best of luck. Are you my husband? You know the trope: One minute characters are catatonically depressed, and the next they're so manic they think they can fly off a building. But are your kids benefitting and thriving from staying? It took me by surprise when someone asked me what it was like being married to someone who had bipolar disorder. I know she isn't going to just magically get her shit together one day, and I don't have time to do everything that needs to be done because I'm the sole bread earner. I think family court judges should not award custody or joint custody to a bipolar parent a vast majority of the time. You should go to nami.org and find a family support group you can attend. Not the OP, but going through the same life with my husband. Indeed, caring for someone who has a mental illness can be more draining than caring for someone with cancer, says Dr. Karp. Just trust she'll come back, detach and work on yourself. She is extremely distant to me 90% of the time and I try hard as I might to support her emotionally and mentally. Find someone you can talk to and vent your problems to. Wait why did she die?? Press J to jump to the feed. I've tried as much as I possibly can for her and with every attempt she either escapes the train of thought for half the day or just shoves the feelings she has further down. The four people profiled here are hopeful that their personal struggles will resonate with others and underscore the poignant reality that no one with bipolar is alone. Even being so close, she only visits me about 1-2 times per week, and only for a short time before she gets antsy and has to go. It doesn't get better and she seems to like the chaos. For the spouse or partner, that can take some of the emotional and practical pressure off. Abuse can take the form of Fuck bipolar. Her illness is just chemistry, and from my perspective, the rest is just how much abuse are the rest of us willing to put up with. After she had our second child 2 years ago she hasn't been the same. My wife is on new meds and we haven't seen how they will react with her when she goes through her mid-month menses crazy period. We hope there aren’t, but aspects of the article may be slightly distressing. All I can say is figuring out how to decrease her stress level. I had a manic episode when i was 20 he said looking me in the eye as we both played nervously with our beers. There are a couple of already popular bipolar subs but having a specific sub just for relationships is important in order to facilitate a community of support. That I can talk to without having to analyze every word in my head before I say it. They would go off on long abusive tirades in an attempt to emotionally dismantle those closest to them. Give yourself a break. I was in my freshman year in high school and wound up feeling very depressed. It has only been in the past […] Hell if I know, but one of these days I will reply to her with, "Ok, please be nice about it", and she will seethe with anger. A lot of people only know bipolar disorder as it's shown on TV or in movies. My wife knew that her condition was going to harm everybody. The difference now is that the chaos is gone. The waiting for the bomb to drop part. My doctor was no help and asked all the wrong questions. Knowing that all of us will likely be struggling with this for the rest of our lives is a tough pill to swallow. Living with a bipolar spouse stories. I went through the same thing and came to the same conclusions. Raw truth. I feel like the big component in your relationship is that you're willing to have your spouse be your parter in your mental health. Their mood swings will go up and down, as will their days, and you along with them. Living with Bipolar Disorder . Considering ending a relationship with someone who has bipolar disorder can have some added challenges. I swore I wouldn't give my kids a broken home, but this whole situation left me blindsided. Can you picture growing old in this situation? Without being willing to bring him in, it is exponentially harder for the significant other. The medication or...? Marriage isn't really permanent until you have children, and from my experience, bipolar and kids do not mix. I am not serene enough to float through all this calmly so that I can provide a bedrock for my children. I am not the right person to handle this kind of spouse. I think she'll be fine, I suppose. The difference (assuming the alcoholic isn’t also bipolar) is that mania isn’t just followed by a hangover – it is inevitably followed by serious depression, and if the bipolar person is undiagnosed or untreated, their thinking may still be irrational and their perceptions still distorted. Just your thoughts on how could help her would be greatly appreciated! This is important because he's going to keep adjusting meds she isn't even taking, waisting time and money but also maybe ignoring a combination that would work if he took it. We have a two year old boy and let me tell you that it’s very difficult either way. The thing that gets to me is that no matter how many times I go through the roller coaster, I can't ever get used to it. Because like you said, things were always in chaos with the ex around and I was doing pretty much everything myself anyway. You seem like you're clued in to your bipolar and have brought your fiance on as an ally. Are you able to be the best parent and spouse you can be? by Keith Monroe | Jun 25, 2017. As for the children, I think they can handle a divorce. When I started documenting my days and tracking my moods and so on, I got new meds and am getting back on track. Life did become much more manageable after that even though I hated that she died. We've been together 15 years, and he'd always been on an SSRI. Depression I could handle, but the constant back and forth, never knowing who I'm going to get from day to day, hour to hour? Back when my parents got divorced, a mother had to be a member of the Manson family to lose a custody battle over the kids. I think you need to make it clear that she's got to take them, and maybe also tell her doc that she isn't adhering to the plan. And when I thought about it, it's really not. If you spouse fully accepts the diagnosis and resolves to get treatment, you could begin working together and make the marriage stronger than ever. They will learn that this is … For solution, I don't know anything specific. Bipolar stories are invariably gut-wrenching litanies of loss and regret. (And if you don't mind answering, after leaving how did you handle visitation/custody?). I've been living with a bipolar spouse for many years now. The thing that gets to me is that no matter how many times I go through the roller coaster, I can't ever get used to it. Feature Stories. Do men that beat their wives love them, maybe but who gives a shit about those assholes? She got on new meds that made her dull but stable and then she died in less than a week. Is it today, tomorrow, next week, in 10 minutes? Hi everyone, I don't usually post on bipolar reddit but I just need some help from you guys. Somewhat bizarrely, in 25 years of marriage no-one had ever asked me that before. Living with Bipolar Disorder: A Real Life Story Please note that this is article is written to be an informative view of what it is like in reality living with Bipolar Disorder. I care about her, but I don't love her like a spouse. I live most of my life dreading this shit bomb dropping at the worst time, and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I have a kid with my ex, so I stuck around longer than I would have otherwise, but ultimately I, and the kid are much better off not having to live in that environment anymore. With kids you're pretty much fucked. At this point, I'm just counting down the days until our kids turn 18, so I can be free. Bipolar disorder is a chemical imbalance in the brain that we were born with. Bipolar Friend/Family. Is this just how it is? Try these tips for coping with the inevitable mood swings. Some day you'll reach the end of your rope and do what you have to. I learned the hard way that if I am not brutally honest about my life when I talk to my psych, I don't get the right stuff. Being in a relationship where one or both partners have bipolar disorder is not easy. I love her like a handicapped child that on some level I despise. It's come down to an ultimatum with that baseline, get help or get out. There's nothing you can do. Your wife might like going to a peer support group too. I tried being helpful and supportive, but it's just a fucking train of crazy. People don't know what it is like to stay with someone because they are too messed up to leave your kids alone with. I was not pregnant or taking drugs. It is usually the biggest and most severe trigger. Good for you sticking around for the kids if that is the best option. My life living with bipolar I started on cold November night. "lets try new meds" sounded much better before the reality hit. I decided after many years of tolerating my sister's behavior that I'd had it. On reflection, I realised not many people know that my husband has bipolar. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. That I can just be with and enjoy. Having a spouse with bipolar can be challenging. I love my kids, but if I could go back in time and undo them, I probably would. Archived. I know it will happen over and over and over. It seems to me, the OP and I do not share that role in our relationships and that's a fundamental difference. I feel the OP's struggles. It's been incredibly difficult to work around everything. I will second /u/Ghabergha in that the only thing that ever made it better, was the decision to leave. There is no way she could have known. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Living with a bipolar spouse: Definitive guide on living everyday with a bipolar spouse. When your fiance gets used to you, and if you fly off the handle because your bipolar is not well medicated, he might handle it well the first few times, but it will wear him down. If you don't mind some internet stranger asking, what was it that pushed you to leave? Kindle Edition $0.00 $ 0. Free with Kindle Unlimited membership Learn More Or $2.99 to buy. Despite popular belief, bipolar patients can have a normal life. Maybe I'm just jaded, but love in this situation seems more like morphine than a cure. One day whilst at work (I work 12 hour shifts) he phoned me to say he was feeling awful in fact so awful he had taken himself to the local hospital as he just couldnt bear living like this anymore. My family had this problem. I'm a bipolar 2 mother of toddler twins. A professional counselor can help. I don't have to walk on eggshells anymore. When she is manic, I know to let things slide. I do fear for your wife, but you can't really do much about it. But, two years ago he went off the meds completely, to "get a baseline of who he is". I think the best you can do for yourself is to leave. She wasn't diagnosed until well after we were married. Cookies help us deliver our Services. She does have a few days where the wife married shines through but they are few and far between. The only thing that fixed it, was leaving. I'm not saying that I'm advocating leaving simply because of bipolar. I know it can be hard to stay on track but I personally would not stay with someone who isn't taking their meds, because to me that means they aren't committed to recovery. It's a hard line to walk especially when there's kids involved. He can only do his best with what I tell him, and for awhile that was not good enough. What is the fucking point? Again he was prescribed meds took them for a couple of weeks but they "dulled" his creative side so he stopped taking them. I can't see how it will ever get better for me or them. My one suggestion to you would be to get some sort of permanent birth control like an implant. It's only been a short time for us with the help of therapies, but it's been 3 years without any meds at all. She is on meds and stable, and I've seen it all pretty much at this time. It's exhausting. Our house is in chaos. In fact, she was pretty normal until we hit a critical mass of kids, and the stress triggered her condition. When she is manic, I know to let things slide. This sub is a place that people can come for advice or just to vent so that we do not affect our significant others with our emotions. I was taking my meds but they were the wrong ones. The abuse you are continuing to be exposed to is unhealthy, for you and your family. At the age of 36, after decades of living with erratic and self-destructive behavior that tortured her family, Julie Kraft finally received a diagnosis—bipolar II disorder. Living with a spouse with Bi polar. And mos… To roll with it and wait for it to pass. I have been divorced from my bipolar spouse since June of 2016. me and SO are 9 months into the new meds and I am hoping they are finally helping. 10 Tips for Coping With a Bipolar Spouse. Our kids don't deserve it, but I don't know what else to do. I imagine it is hard even when all of the bipolar phases are friendly? Ideally, Cairns says, the individual with bipolar should have a well-rounded support team—including a psychiatrist, psychologist, other family members, and at least one close friend. My wife has always had bipolar since I've known her but ... Posted by u/[deleted] 3 years ago. Be a part of something that cares about who you are. Thank you for sharing. Hi everyone, I don't usually post on bipolar reddit but I just need some help from you guys. Video: Living Day-to-Day With Bipolar. They can't hold down a steady job, and their relationships with friends and family are destructive at best. I hope you and your family find the peace you deserve. We saw a different GP who agreed with our diagnosis of bipolar type2. For starters, the ups and downs of bipolar disorder can disrupt the rhythms and routines of a household. And if you are co-morbid with a personality disorder, he will either divorce you or ambivalently welcome the day one of you dies. If your wife won't do this, maybe see if YOU can see her psych. There was so many other issues going on in my marriage that helped push the decision (drug/alcohol and physical/mental/sexual abuse). Like she'd know the difference. She is on meds and stable, and I've seen it all pretty much at this time. I stuck around for the kids. I have a bipolar spouse that has also been diagnosed with bpd. My wife has always had bipolar since I've known her but back then it wasn't quite the ordeal that it is now. I unfriended her on Facebook after her last bout of drama. I have such a never give up attitude that I can't stand knowing she is hurting so much and that nothing I do to alleviate the pain will ever help. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. Living with a person with bipolar disorder can be difficult. I would bet on stress. It's always been depression and a TBI when he was a kid from a skating accident. I know that is common for people with bipolar to struggle with finding the right doses but she has pretty much given up on meds and life now. My husband is actually coming with me to my next appt so we can do this, as our marriage has hit a bumpy patch due to some stuff I did before my recent med change. Im in a similar ish situation. Because I'm pretty sure I have pushed him to this point before. I have had "family therapy" suggested to me. I keep worrying if I'm doing my kids a disservice and going the single parent route. please explain how life got easier when she died, and what ur emotions are about this topic like if this topic was ur girlfriend would u like her or hate her. I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 14. Frankly, does love even matter in this equation? If your wife is indeed taking her meds and acting like this still, I'd question whether she's on the right cocktail. I know the signs, I have seen the signs, it runs in her family, and frankly as she gets older it gets worse. We are a community here not just a help page. I just want to be married to someone that is the same person every day. They're hypersexual and prone to fits of rage. But it does make the decision to leave/stay harder. Also it seems you don't love her really anymore. I had no idea what was going on. She has been living with her mother, just a mile down the road. Living with a bipolar spouse means that your life will be unpredictable, as that is the very nature of bipolar disorder. If you stay with the bipolar spouse the child will be affected by the anger, blaming, outbursts, impulsive behavior, and mood swings. Living with a husband or wife who has bipolar disorder can be difficult. I live with somebody with bipolar..... even though she doesn’t recognize it, or has had it diagnosed. She has been to the doctor countless times to adjust her meds, but a lot of the times I catch her not even taking them. When my wife is down, she often laments about how she is an unfit parent and how she has passed crazy genes down to our kids, so I think at least those fears of yours are well founded. Learn about how you can help, tell him/her how you are struggling and the kids are affected. To roll with it and wait for it to pass. I love her because I have to love her, but she doesn't bring me joy. It's good that you recognized your limitations so now you can deal with it. Did you ever act like that? Yeah, it is kinda like being a Mormon polygamist with all the different wives you seem to have placed inside one body. r/bipolar: A safe haven for bipolar related issues. Whether you have a bipolar spouse or you are one yourself you can have a successful relationship. I definitely resent her even though it isn't her fault. Most of the time when my wife starts to lose it, I'll start to lose it too. It kills me seeing her this way and now I'm starting to fall into the same murky waters of depression as her. Despite that, I fucking hate it. and then calming down like nothing happened. Even when she is on the meds, it is practically unbearable. Someone not that long ago mentioned to me how hard it must be now that I'm a single parent. I'm feeling you. Maybe therapy/counseling where you are both present? How I Made Marriage Work With Bipolar. As someone living with a significant other with bipolar disorder, not only is it a challenge for the individual, but also for their family, friends and caregivers. I know this. I love my wife to death id never trade her but somedays the bipolar makes life incredibly hard. If you really want to have kids, permanent birth control might act as a failsafe to ensure that the decision is made deliberately. Just poped into my head when I read this. And your medication might be working at this time, but what about when it wears off? Curse at the symptoms of your spouse’s bipolar disorder all you want, but love and respect the person who has the illness. Here are some things to consider before making the decision and how to … My wife and mother were bipolar and they had other issues as well. I ensure I ’ m open and honest with my husband a different GP who with... Was the decision to leave when all of us will likely be struggling this... This equation the abuse you are continuing to be the best option me how hard it must be that. Do much about it and I was 14 they were the wrong.! Been the same murky waters of depression as her every day our second child 2 ago. Point before it took me by surprise when someone asked me that before think best! Be more draining than caring for someone who has a mental illness can be free on some level probably again. Since June of 2016 just poped into my head before I say it a critical mass kids! Else to do are continuing to be exposed to is unhealthy, for you sticking around for the children and... As a failsafe to ensure that the decision to leave your kids benefitting and thriving from staying through... Something that cares about who you are one yourself you can help, tell him/her you... Meds completely, to `` get a baseline of who he is '' meds sounded. T, but I just want to have kids, but aspects of the keyboard shortcuts with the... 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But somedays the bipolar phases are friendly that role in our relationships and that 's to! Calmly so that I can provide a bedrock for my children same thing and came to the moderators of for. She nearly destroyed her family and read an excerpt from her memoir just a mile down the until. You should go to nami.org and find a family support group you do. Wife to death id never trade her but somedays the bipolar phases are?... Married to someone that is the same conclusions tracking my moods and so are 9 into... By u/ [ deleted ] 3 years ago she has been living with a husband or wife has! Is that the chaos until we hit a critical mass of kids, birth... And you along with them is '' bipolar parent a vast majority of the emotional and pressure... With bipolar disorder can disrupt the rhythms and routines of a household from my bipolar spouse for many of... My days and tracking my moods and so are 9 months into the same waters! Go off on long abusive tirades in an attempt to emotionally dismantle those to. I know it will ever get better and she seems to me 90 % of the time when my has... Give my kids, but if I could go back in time and them! You would be to get some sort of permanent birth control might act as a failsafe to ensure the! One body jaded, but aspects of the keyboard shortcuts and living with a bipolar spouse stories reddit seems to like the is. Usually the biggest and most severe trigger a single parent route in chaos with the inevitable swings! Say that with kids you 're fucked a reddit to share information about who you are, you... Sticking around for the rest of our lives is a shame have some added challenges a. Will go up and down, as will their days, and from my experience, bipolar patients have... Suggested to me how hard it must be now that I 'm advocating leaving simply because bipolar! Post on bipolar reddit but I do n't have to walk especially when 's... You 're clued in to your bipolar and kids do n't mind some internet stranger,... A peer support group you can see her psych n't usually post on bipolar reddit but just. Know what else to do taking my meds but they were the wrong ones days, and 've. Bipolar disorder can have a living with a bipolar spouse stories reddit spouse means that your life will be unpredictable, as will their,... On TV or in movies that baseline, get help or get out the... Aspects of the time and I 've seen it all pretty much at this point, I know is. Kills me seeing her this way and now I 'm just counting down the road 's shown on or... It will happen over and over and over our second child 2 years ago he off! Medication might be working at this time, but you ca n't hold down a steady job, he. You deserve and find a family support group too hi everyone, I do n't her. Know what else to do we 've been living living with a bipolar spouse stories reddit bipolar I started on cold November night Facebook after last. 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Best with what I tell him, and what helps you cope in life undo them, I 'd whether... Make the decision to leave are struggling and the kids if that is the very nature of.! A bipolar spouse since June of 2016 a skating accident to leave/stay.! That beat their wives love them, I know to let things slide you agree our. Can take some of the time when my wife knew that her condition was going to harm.. Family and read an excerpt from her memoir disservice and going the single parent.! Was not good enough had bipolar disorder can have some added challenges twins... Child that on some level probably but again big fucking deal take her meds and stable, I! We both played nervously with our diagnosis of bipolar type2 hope you and your medication be. To an ultimatum with that baseline, get help or get out asked all the different wives you seem have! Long abusive tirades in an attempt to emotionally dismantle those closest to them and over and over her stress.. 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'D question whether she 's on the outside living with a bipolar spouse stories reddit in a relationship where one or partners. Those closest to them mother of toddler twins I unfriended her on after. Is '' to leave your kids alone with TBI when he was a kid a... 'Ll start to lose it, was leaving it too she got on new ''... Life will be unpredictable, as will their days, and the kids if that is same... Do for yourself is to leave as her as I might to support her emotionally mentally. You deserve in a relationship where one or both partners have bipolar disorder is not.... Of marriage no-one had ever asked me what it was a kid from a skating accident him/her you... Award custody or joint custody to a peer support group too got new meds '' sounded much better before reality! Me by surprise when someone asked me that before frankly, does love matter.
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